Talking With Kids About Scary News
When something frightening happens at a school somewhere, kids hear about it fast. A calm, honest conversation helps them feel safe again.
After a school shooting or other tragedy makes headlines, children often learn about it from friends, group chats or a screen in the background before a parent says a word. You can't keep every piece of news away from them, but you can make sure they hear it from someone they trust.
Start by listening
Ask what they've heard and what they're wondering about before you explain anything. Kids often have a partial or mixed-up version of events, and their worries may be different from yours. Listening first tells you what actually needs answering.
Match your answer to their age
Young children need short, simple facts and a lot of reassurance. Vague answers can make them more anxious, so be clear about what happened in a sentence or two, and that it happened somewhere else. School-age kids usually want to know where it happened and whether it could happen at their school. Teens may want to talk about causes and prevention, and they often do better when you ask for their ideas instead of lecturing.
For a child with a developmental disability, go by their developmental level rather than their age, and lean on the calming strategies you already know work for them.
Reassure, without promising the impossible
Tell them that attacks at schools are rare, and that teachers, staff and first responders have plans and practice them. This is a good moment to connect the drills they do at school to their purpose: they are practice so everyone knows what to do. Avoid promising that nothing bad could ever happen; say instead that many adults are working to keep them safe.
Turn down the news
Repeated images and constant coverage raise anxiety, especially for younger children. Keep the TV and radio news off when kids are around, and notice what adult conversations they can overhear. If your teen wants to follow the story, watch or read together so you can pause and talk.
Keep the routine
Regular bedtimes, meals, homework and activities are comforting because they're predictable. Sticking to the normal schedule is one of the simplest ways to show kids that life is still steady.
Watch for signs they need more help
Some changes are normal for a little while: trouble sleeping, stomachaches, clinginess, irritability, or not wanting to go to school. Children often hide how worried they are, so check in again over the next few days. If the changes last more than a few weeks or get in the way of daily life, talk with your pediatrician, the school counselor or a mental health professional. If a child or teen talks about wanting to hurt themselves, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Further reading
How to Talk With Kids About Tragedies & Other Traumatic News Events (American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org)
Tips for Parents on Talking to Children Exposed to Violent Events (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia)
Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Families and Educators (National Association of School Psychologists)
This post is general information. Your school's own plan comes first, so ask the school office for its specific procedures.